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Monday, 2 March 2015

She's every woman and none... not a poem!

She this...
She that...
She all perfect
She not perfect
It seems to give me a headache

Yes, I know character matters
I am working at it
Yes I know virtue matters
He is working on that

What does the finished product look like?
I don’t know cos I am still headed there
What does God want?
I don’t know yet cos so many voices
So many opinions
Seems like deja vu all over again

I don’t know it all
But I will know what matters when the time is right
Right now I just need to slide out from under the weight of everyone’s expectations
And to rise up
I am awake and alert and I guess the series of circumstances that brought me to this place are of His making
It is all good, it is a good place rather

It is like old times again
Golden girl, she will do everyone proud
Can I just do me proud?
Can I just do God proud?
Cos I will never succeed at doing everyone proud
The list of expectations is different for each person

I don’t do very well under pressure or scrutiny for that matter
Scrutiny is at best fault finding, at worst, love, no I don’t think so
It doesn’t really matter anyway; I wonder why I cared so much instead of just letting go
I am learning but really only One person’s expectations matter
Cos for everyone else it is always changing
I refuse to be on any one’s pedestal because it is just a replay of the heroes past
They place you on a pedestal only to bring you crashing on a whim
You are only just a chess piece most times in the games humans play
Cos no matter how much we deny it, our humanity gets the better of us a lot of times

In the eyes of God though, you are one and only, apple of His eyes
He won’t change His mind tomorrow on a whim and caprice, He is that constant
It took me a while to get it but I do now, I truly do
Just want to be me, don’t want to be anyone’s mirror image
I want to be the ‘me’ God sees when He looks at me.

I know of eternal life, I have perceived it
Still in spite of the new creation that I am
When I place my arm on my hand or my head, what I feel is very human
Yet eternity is just as tangible; as least to me
God is just as real to me so when all is said and done I run to your throne and say
Why on earth won’t you speak to me, to my heart?
You have no answer for me but in the stillness of the day I place my hand on my heart
And you are there.
It is no poetry either
I wonder, what does all of this mean? I hate not being in control
At least I like to imagine that I control some things, lol!

At least the Most High the sovereign One is innately good and in that I find safety
The heart of men, hmmm Only Jesus knows jare
The rest of us, we are safe in His hands
O what wretched souls that we can be when we don’t consider Him
I would be lost without Him but gratefully I am not
I am safe and secure in Him!

I am learning to be silent again and in the midst of the silence to listen...

I am certain that this is my path though and since it is, it must mean that I have all that I need to walk in it because He always provides, of that I am sure
He’s a provider after all and He’s promised that I will never lack any good thing.
So it seems that sounds like faith, tis a good place

You’re the leader O Lord, I am tired of wrestling with You, can I just rest in You?
Let me know which steps to take and I will do them by Your grace


This is not a poem, tis just thoughts

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